#7: depression

stress.

source teenhealthissues

too many people want to help. lucky me for being honestly loved by many people. but somehow, sometimes i felt so useless, so dependable. seems like everybody have big hopes on me. i could feel the tension. but i know, they just want to help. without their help, maybe i am not willing to continue this. argh, negative thinking is coming back.

actually it started yesterday. i felt something wasn't right. i kept on sleeping all day long. i couldn't read. i just read few lines and then my eyes started to close. i knew, i started to stress. at night, i couldn't do my study also. and before sleep, i shared with hubby my problems. i felt stress. i think i didn't do things right. i think i was bad.

hubby tried to calm me. and today i promised to myself, i won't sleep in the morning. do you know about depression? let me share some of it.

depression can be described as feeling sad, miserable, down or unhappy. some of us only experience this once in a while but some people feels it longer than a week or continuously (eg: me). it is called major depression. it is a disease. well, the caused of this illness is not known but researchers believed it caused by some chemical changes in the brain. this maybe due to your genes or triggered by stressful events and mostly a combination of both. well, i can say mostly it happens in family that already has this type of illness but nowadays, everyone can have it!

people who have depression see everything in negative and nothing can be solve positively. and that is me. seriously, you cannot change the way of your thinking because all you can think is negative. i tried to be positive but it seems so unnatural to me. it just like fairy tale. very impossible! some of the symptoms that i have are restless (that is why i sleep a lot), dramatic change in appetite (whether i eat a lot or didn't eat at all), difficult to concentrate (that is why i couldn't study), feeling hopeless, helpless (this is worst because you think nothing in this world can help you with your problem), feeling worthless and guilty (always, i feel this mostly everyday), lost of interest in activities that were once enjoyed (last time this is me, alhamdulillah now i'm getting better), thought of death or suicide ( i was, alhamdulillah no more now), and trouble sleeping (i slept a lot or cannot sleep at all...). besides that, there are also many other signs of depressions. i couln't list all of them here....

if depression is severe, it will leads to psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions. so it is an illness not just someone 'mengada-ada'. it is sometimes hard to make people understand what am i going through but believe me, i am not mengada-ada.

now, i'm ongoing treatment which includes medicine and talk therapy. thanks to hubby and family for being so understanding.

source hopetoheal.org

everything happens for reasons. i believe in you Allah.